Return
Page 1
Page 2
Author’s Note: Inspired by player lobbies. That is, the characters would be interacting with each other more on a regular basis. Therefore, they would be more familiar with each other than they are canonically. Basically, I tried to make a sensical story out of the multiplayer experience.
This takes place in AC+R, if the roster didn’t make it obvious.
This fic is also on ArchiveOfOurOwn. No account required to comment.
Naked Photographs
Chapter 1 (AC+R)
In the late 21st century, Japan had been left a sinkhole in the ocean, and its surviving populace became mere refugees in a colony. Among the many lost in tragedy after tragedy by humanity’s existential threat, the Gears, was Baiken’s family. Her long ponytail of peach pink hair, her lost eye, and lost arm made her an outcast among her own people. She was a lowly samurai who walked the path of vengeance, but a path as any other had its detours.
She wandered the Forest of Demons (The Grove), a garden long abandoned by humans. At night, the moon, stars, and lakeside reflection shed the shadows from the clearing. Few ventured to the forest, but a man with a strangely filtered voice shouted.
“MY SENSORS ARE GOING OFF!
“FEMALE DETECTED. PLEASE BE MY WIFE.”
On a day like any other, she would’ve ignored and walked on. But she turned around and confronted. It was a blond man with spikey hair and an unusually metallic complexion: color, texture, the seams, and bolts laid in his face. He wore a white uniform with blue trims.
“Are you out of your mind, you freak?” Baiken said. “I don’t care who you’re with, but you guys gawking is getting to be a real pain in the ass.”
“YOU’VE GOT A NAUGHTY MOUTH, BUT THOSE BREASTS! THEY’RE TOO PERFECT!”
“Shut the hell up!”
The exchange wasn’t enough to get Baiken to draw her sword. She went straight for a punch. Her fist landed upon a steel body, a robot, a surface she could stand to punch. Her blow was enough to cause it to recoil.
The robot recovered and hopped back but drew it’s claymore, now ready for a fight.
“IF YOU LOSE, I’M TAKING NAKED PHOTOGRAPHS OF YOU.”
[Heaven or Hell! Duel 1. Let’s Rock!]
Baiken, from the empty sleeve of her missing arm, shot a metallic claw that dragged the robot towards her. After a few cautious punches, she drew her katana and crossed her opponent’s torso with its edge.
The peculiar robot’s face reddened after each strike. Hot metal. It exhausted heated air and smoke, and sent Baiken into a coughing fit.
“OVERCLOCK!” the robot shouted before catching Baiken off-guard. The loud whir and click of its servos preceded a flurry of punches. The robot chanted an insult as each hit landed.
「駄目! 駄目! 駄目!」
[USELESS! USELESS! USELESS!]
After the final punch, the robot kicked Baiken aside.
“IT WAS LIKE WATCHING A YANKEE WALK OUT ON A POLITICAL LECTURE. YOU WERE SO BAD.”
[Baiken loses.]
Baiken opened her eyelid. It’s been a while, she could tell. She saw sunlight and the skies.
Eh? Had I too much to drink?
She felt the wind and the breeze upon her bare chest then noticed the collar of her kimono parted low and wide. Immediately, she closed it.
“ARGH! Damn it! I’m going to kill that fucker!”
No one wanders to the Forest of Demons just to take photographs. Whoever else was here may still be around. Baiken picked a direction and ran where she could. Past an old, gnarled tree. A dilapidated shrine. A stone staircase, a shard of building, far parted from the ruin.
“There he is!”
Baiken recognized the blond spikey hair, the height, the white coat and cloak. It’s that robot. She didn’t care about formalities or a fair fight. From behind, she charged and launched a flying kick.
But just as her foot landed, something was off. Instead of a hard metal carapace, the bottom of her sandal pressed against flesh and bone. She kicked a human, not a robot, to the ground. He yelled.
“Ow! What was that for!”
He pushed himself up and turned his face to her. No bolts, plates, or metal.
“Er. My bad,” she said. “I thought you were someone else. A robot out there looks just like you.”
“Oh that. Let me guess. You dueled it, and it said it’ll take naked pictures of you if you lose?”
“Yeah…”
“Then we both have a problem,” he said.
He is Ky Kiske, a young man more familiar with the jeers and taunts of being a pretty boy from men than with the compliments of women. A knight and now a police officer, he had little expectation for his battles to have dishonorable wagers. Less so, such wagers to come from robots. A robotic copy of himself, sans his personality, had assembled itself from the skies.
“IF YOU LOSE, I’M TAKING NAKED PHOTOGRAPHS OF YOU,” it had challenged.
Ky had fought most other copies of himself, adapting to new circumstances as they acted upon old data. At times they were a challenge, but victory was assured. But he noticed even the robots began to curse at their own directives and act outside of the constraints of their programming.
“The robots aren’t a big deal,” Ky said. “But that one is out of the ordinary.”
“Hey.” Baiken recognized Ky’s claymore, almost identical to the robot’s. “How about you give me some practice?”
“Sure. To a fine duel!”
Ky shared the same stances as his robotic counterpart, but he wielded his sword, the Thunderseal, with grace. Streaks of blue lightning trailed his blade with each strike.
Baiken blocked. The edge of a sword that summoned storms clashed against the one that hungered for blood. But in an odd moment, Ky grabbed a hold of Baiken.
An upward toss sent her into the air. Following after her, Ky conjured and threw a javelin of lightning.
SLASH. Ky Kiske wins.
Baiken crashed on to the ground and sat back up.
“So that’s how you fight. Not bad. But your robot doesn’t use lightning magic at all.”
“It’s not my robot. Someone else collected data off me and made it.”
Baiken sighed. “We need a better idea to get those photos back.”
Baiken and Ky wandered the forest for a sign of Robo-Ky. If they encountered the robot again, they wouldn’t be sure of what to do. The journey of skill is long and endless, but they needed Robo-Ky defeated on shorter notice. Down winding paths and past forest clearings, they found Sol Badguy, both a comrade and rival of Ky Kiske.
“I didn’t think you’d turn up again.” Sol said.
“What are you talking about?” Ky asked.
“Don’t play dumb. We were dueling just a while ago.”
Ky sighed. No, we weren’t.
“You had a red face when you lost,” Sol recounted.
A minor explosion had erupted from Robo-Ky’s chassis. Against Sol’s power of fire, the machine had been overheating. Knowing it lost the fight, it fled elsewhere to exhaust in the opposite direction Ky and Baiken arrived.
“Also,” Sol added. “You dropped this.”
He conferred a photograph of Ky that had been shot without permission. It was bad enough that Sol had made Ky a fool in the past.
Sol smirked. “I didn’t think you were that kind of guy.”
“SOL!” Ky swiped to snatch the photograph from Sol, only for the latter to dodge. “Give that to me!”
“Or what?”
A lightning bolt conjured just above Sol’s hand and scorched the photo beyond recognition.
“…
“Don’t give me that look,” Sol said. “I wasn’t gonna keep it.
“And I know it wasn’t you. That robot came by and challenged me to a duel. It went, ‘if you lose I’ll take naked pictures of you’.
“At first I thought it was just saying stupid shit. But then I won.”
“If you won against it,” Baiken said, “then could you—”
“I ain’t doing any favors,” Sol stretched his neck and cracked a joint. “I’ve been hit in the head with a mallet enough times today.
“Heh,” he waved off. “See you losers later.”
Baiken groaned. “Who’ll fight that perverted robot!”
“I’ve got an idea.” Ky said.
Ky’s unusual choice was the androgynous boy from England who had the name and upbringing of a girl. But the boy no longer wished to live the lie because of a superstition of a small village. So was said that the birth of twins yields misfortune. Thus he sought to claim bounty, return with wealth, and dispel the old myth. However, the unlikely bounty hunter’s voice had yet to deepen, and his appearance still caused confusion to those who didn’t already know him.
“A bounty?” Bridget asked.
“Yes,” Ky said. “There’s a robot we need taken care of.”
“Hm. I’m here to hunt Gears. But if there’s money in it, I’ll give it a try.”
Baiken slapped her forehead. “You’re siccing this kid after Robo-Ky? Are you out of your mind!”
Ky explained to Baiken in a whisper. “It can’t take naked pictures of him.”
SLASH. Robo-Ky wins.
“YOU’RE A BOY, HUH? YOU CAN’T TRICK ME! I HAVE X-RAY EYES AND— UH. FORGET I SAID THAT.”
“Shit.” Baiken said. “I was really starting to root for Bridget.”
Robo-Ky noticed and found Ky and Baiken spectating. “STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE NAKED PICTURES OF A KID AND END MY PHOTOGRAPHY CAREER JUST LIKE THAT? I’M NOT SOME PEDOPHILE!”
Robo-Ky deployed a bicycle as the rotors of a helicopter sprouted from his head. To the skies, he pedaled away.
“Damn it!” Ky shouted. “Where is he going now!”
“Well, lightning boy?” Baiken said, “Are you going to tell me you won’t fly?”
“I can’t…”
“What a day.” Baiken sighed. “You wanna get Chinese food?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
The odd restaurant near the Grove was owned by Jam Kuradoberi. Both a skilled fighter and a talented chef, the proceeds of her earnings went towards her business venture: a restaurant. The servings were generous. The price was low, but the quality and taste were superb. Her business was still small. At times, she had to be both the waitress and the chef.
A herbal scent followed the rising steam from a fine meal: a helping of rice, and meat drenched sweet sauce. At Baiken and Ky’s table, Jam served their orders. She wore a traditional silk garb with trailing sleeves. She upheld her welcoming conduct. Her smile, however, was only facetious.
“When you find a nice woman,” Jam said to Ky, “You learn more about her then find nicer woman
“So. There is nicer woman here, you know?” she left with a wink.
“I didn’t want to explain.” Ky said to Baiken. “No offense.”
“None taken. You aren’t my type at all.”
Although a meal sated their hunger and sharpened their minds, it did little to ease the issue of Robo-Ky. Baiken’s dignity and Ky’s reputation, a future to dread should Robo-Ky publish those photos. But they overheard a heated exchange from the outdoor tables.
“I PREFER ’EM LADYLIKE, BUT I COULD SETTLE FOR YOU. PLEASE MARRY ME AND COOK FOR ME.”
It’s Robo-Ky! He’s here!
“WHY!” Jam exclaimed. “You’re a robot! What’s the point of cooking for you!”
“FEMALE DETECTED. PLEASE BE MY WIFE!”
“If you don’t leave,” Jam lifted and tossed off the outer layers of her dress. She wore her outfit for combat underneath then took her fighting stance. “I’ll be kicking you out!”
Baiken and Ky arrived to the scene.
“Yeah! Kick its ass,” Baiken said.
“I don’t want to ask this of a lady,” Ky added, “But Jam, could you knock-out the robot?”
“Hm.” Jam gave the request a thought and smiled. “If I win against it, then you be my dishwashing boy!”
Urk! A hard decision to make on the spot but Ky obliged. “Fine, whatever.”
Jam focused her ki and lept into the air. A blaze of yellow energy accumulated at her foot and formed the head of a dragon. Robo-Ky had kept his distance, but she soared fast across the staging area.
“Ryujin!”
The final blow landed. When Robo-Ky fell to the ground, the photographs flew from his pockets.
SLASH! Jam wins!
A strike from Ryujin was no joke, but her intent was a knock-out not a kill. Jam leaned over and checked on the fallen robot.
“Huh. What’s this?”
“Wait! Jam!” Ky shouted, “No!”
Jam picked up a photograph. A beautiful blond boy was laying unconscious on the green grass in the Grove. It’s Ky! His coat was taken off, his shirt parted and open. The top of his pants was even pulled down.
“WOO! You don’t have to do the dishes if you let me keep this!”
Robo-Ky’s collection was an awkward one to sort through. But Baiken perservered. She held the stack of her photos and ripped them in half. From her kimono, she took out her lighter. The flame on the corner of the burning photos was the same that lit her long, thin smoking pipe: a kiseru.
It’s over.
As for Ky, however, in the next day, at the same restaurant, at the end of an afternoon, he met with Baiken again. He wore his sleeves rolled up, a work uniform, and an apron.
“Well, it’s the end of my shift now,” Ky said, “Are you up for a duel later?”
His new, dull attire was a stark contrast from the fine clothes of a knight of his rank. But Baiken had to ask.
“So… you aren’t a police officer anymore?”
“Are you kidding? Jam doesn’t pay enough for me to quit that job.
“Let’s go for that duel!”
THE END
Notes:
Based on Robo-Ky’s Voice Set C Intro:
INTRO 3: MAKETARA FURUNUDO SHASHINSHUU NO KEI.
[IF YOU LOSE I’M TAKING NAKED PHOTOGRAPHS OF YOU.]
http://guiltygear.ru/files/faqs/Guilty_Gear_Quote_Project.txt
I had more links on the AO3 version of this fic, but they are mostly to invidious. Invidious gets blocked by YouTube often, and I don’t want to link to YouTube anymore. So if you have a Baiken story playthrough or a Robo-Ky combo video, I’ll be happy to link them instead.