Last Updated: 2023 Mar 17

Fandom

She was the woman who rejected the advances of a billionaire.

There had been a day when William Murderface barged into the IT department of Mordhaus.

“SURPRISE INSPECTION, LADIES!”

The department was staffed primarily by female Klokateers. The anonymous women wore executioner’s hoods much like their male counterparts. Similarly, they also conformed to the same workplace conduct and uniform. Most if not all of the busy staff ignored Murderface’s announcement. One of them, however, had the misfortune of being approached directly.

When he arrived to her cubicle, he pulled her close. But she tilted her head away and groaned.

“I’m trying to get some work done.”

Her hands remained at her keyboard. Though he could not see the frown beneath her hood or the roll of her eyes, she had given many cues of her disinterest and annoyance. She sighed when Murderface made further advances. But once he hinted his leverage as her boss, she pulled out mace.

Her sexual harassment lawsuit had been resolved out of court. After she received her settlement, she resumed her job responsibilities at Mordhaus.

She worked with computers, and her opinion of office computers was low. Popular software in office computing wasn’t the most efficient. Neither were they the most productive or versatile. Regardless, once her shift ended, she returned to her quarters and her personal computer. She typed in her full-disk encryption password and booted her operating system.

Her files, her secrets, her fascination: her fanfiction of Charles Offdensen. She knew a relationship with her employer could not be. It would introduce conflict of interest, compromise his professionalism and the core of his character. And after all, there was only one who Charles could ever belong to, and she knew for a fact that was Nathan Explosion.

---

The band met together once more during a recess in fan day. They took their break outside in the golf course of Mordhaus. They were not golf players however. They owned the paraphernalia for the sport: the golf bags, the clubs, the collared shirts. The equipment was readily available and the Klokateers assisted as caddies. The band’s extent of playing was often launching golf balls elsewhere and off a cliff.

On one hand, Nathan still had his pillow.

“Fan day is easier now that Charles is a part of it.”

“We should do something else for fan day though. Fans like concerts.” Pickles reasoned. “Why didn’t we just think of doing a special concert?”

“And it should nevers be recorded so it stays special,” Skwisgaar added.

“Yeah! Somewhere we can make sure no one can record it.”

“Somewhere indoors?” Toki said.

“The biggest indoor concert where we can make sure no one can record it,” Murderface endorsed.

“And some place nearby so we don’t even have to travel,” Nathan mentioned.

“Some place like Mordhaus,” Skwisgaar shrugged. “But not Mordhaus.”

“And we can feel right at home while playing,” Murderface concluded. “Comfort is very important to playing.”

Nathan’s eyelids dropped as he realized they had converged upon the same idea as before.

“Ugh… At Mordhaus.”

Nathan noticed an employee patrolling and called her over.

“Oh hey, take this thing,” he handed her the pillow, “and get rid of it.”

No one saw her reaction beneath her executioner’s hood. The illustration was impossible to ignore as the taller man gave the shorter woman the dakimakura. The illustration depicted Charles, a man of professional conduct, with a rare expression that would never be seen unless in private. The artwork inspired many thoughts.

What could surprise Charles into making that expression?

Why did Nathan have this pillow?

Why?

Her hands raised not to receive but to withdraw. Her gesture had gone misinterpreted as Nathan brought to the pillow closer to her.

She fainted.

“I don’t think she likes gay pillows, Nathan,” Pickles said.

“Ya.” Skwisgaar added. “It’s like you smothered her without touching her face.”

“More fan girls should be like her,” Nathan said.

Toki wondered. “But if girl Klokateer doesn’t like gay pillow, what does that mean for guy Klokateer?”

“You might be on to something Toki…”

Nathan called over a male employee.

“Hey! Who’s on this pillow!”

The male Klokateer had a neutral reaction.

“It’s Master Offdensen… sire,” he said.

“GAYDAR ALERT!” Murderface shouted. “Nathan, that thing is a great way to tell who’s one of the good ones.”

---

“Alright. what’s something metal about fandom we can write as an exclusive song?”

Nathan briefed the band for new song material in the living room of Mordhaus. The band sat on the couch, each with a personal laptop and an internet connection.

“‘Subscribed, No Updates Since 2018’,” Murderface suggested.

“Brutal,” Nathan commented.

“‘Death Threatened For Rarepair Fic’,” Skwisgaar pitched.

“Metal!” Nathan approved.

“‘Managed by Gay Manager’?” Toki mentioned.

“Wait!” Pickles said. “Offdensen’s not actually gay, right?”

“Never see him with any girls so…”

“I’m sure we can draw more inspiration for a song from our fans,” Nathan said.

With a web browser open, Nathan typed in the domain to a popular fanfiction site. The server responded promptly, and the page loaded nigh instantaneously. Compared to other fanfiction sites, the website was newer. While it did not have legacy, it excelled in design. Each entry on the page contained a list of tags and detailed statistics. But the available content disappointed him.

The sidebar on the right tabulated the number of fan stories that shared same category.

Categories
    M/M (1438)

“Ugh,” Nathan groaned.

Relationships:
    Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth (409)

“Euh,” Skwisgaar frowned.

Additional Tags:
    Fluff  (141)

“Meh,” Murderface crossed his arms.

“Ah. There you guys are,” Charles walked in.

Nathan noticed. Charles was consistent as he was competent. The chief financial officer often had the same orderly look such that it was easy to spot slight changes. If Charles didn’t have his regular appearance, then something must have happened. Nathan asked.

“Why are your glasses off?”

“Well, uh.” I have plus glasses to reduce eye strain for paperwork? I wasn’t doing paperwork? Would they understand that? Charles regained his neutral cadence and gave his professional response.

“I had uncomfortable dents on my nose. They are gone now.”

“And why is the front of your hair undone?” Pickles added.

Charles’ hair was no longer held in place. Short bangs fell forward to the sides of his forehead.

“It’s like he was strippings for the fan girls,” Skwisgaar commented.

“Nathan’s pillow has been a very bad influence on you,” Murderface said.

“No, I wasn’t stripping,” Charles gestured to his unchanged collar and tie. “The fans did ask to see my hair undone. It was just uh… a minor thing to make a group of people happy.”

Murderface rolled his eyes.

“Pandering!”

“You shouldn’t be making unprofessional appearances like this,” Nathan teased.

“We disallow recording devices on the premises,” Charles reminded.

“And how haven’t you DMCA’d gay fanfiction off the internet yet?” Pickles said.

“Throw the papers at them for copyright infringement,” Murderface spat.

“Yeah!” Toki supported. “The fandoms stuff is makings the Klokateers real gay!”

“That would be very expensive to do,” Charles explained. “There is a fanfiction repository with a dedicated legal team. Even successfully doing so would alienate a significant portion of the fans. It wouldn’t help sales.”

“Darn!” Nathan growled. “Since when did legal teams represent regular jackoffs!”

Charles gave his final word of advice.

“Don’t do anything to endorse or encourage homoerotic fanfiction, and everything will be fine.”