Last Updated: 2025 Dec 29

New Hire

Vox snapped his fingers but could only conjure sparks when before he could virtually summon lightning.

“Tch. Figures you dampened my powers, and I don’t even get WiFi.”

“A precaution,’ Alastor said.”If you need internet access, you’ll have to ask me.”

“At what? 10 kilobytes per second? Was two gigahertz ever in your range?”

Alastor hummed. The accursed tune didn’t bother him since he got out of his deal.

Don’t you forget!
No internet!

Vox grit his teeth and sang along.

You say when DH-CP
serves a lease
or if I disconnect!

I won’t forget…!

(Alastor barging in)
No link, no stream, no data sent!

(Vox complains)
Not a single fucking packet met.

No PAT, no port,
no outbound path
On your decree,
they’re lost by Layer Three.

I won’t forget.
I’m denied a NAT.
Looks like the most
I get is localhost!

“Bravo,” Alastor clapped.

“Did you even understand half of that?”

“I don’t need to.”

---

Charlie followed after Alastor and Vox toward the hotel lobby. Before she descended the stairs, she waved to Vaggi.

“Vaggi! Vaggi! I heard Vox and Alastor singing together down the hallway! I think they’re finally getting along!”

“What…? How?”

It didn’t seem possible but it looked as though Alastor had something to say about it with Vox standing besides him in the center of the lobby.

“Everyone! I have an announcement. Vox, our good fellow, will no longer be needing special accommodations! Instead, he is our newest hire!”

Lucifer can see a deal was made between them and laughed.

“Well then! Let’s get started! I could always use help in the kitchen,” Lucifer pushed Vox towards the kitchen.

“Nonsense,” Alastor rebutted and pushed Vox, now sliding by the heel, towards maintenance. “I hired him. I orient him.”

“Hold on!” Vox said but was ignored.

“This hotel is family property!” Lucifer pushed Vox towards the kitchen again. “The owners get the final say on what the employees do!”

“I insist,” Alastor pushed Vox towards maintenance again. “The royal family ought to delegate such decisions to their management team.”

“Why the fuck are they fighting over him?” Husk whispered to Vaggi and Charlie who maybe had a better idea of what was going on.

Vaggi could imagine.

Meanwhile in Hell’s kitchen.

“Vox!” Lucifer welcomed. “Great of you to help! Niffty has been taking such great care of you. We ought to prepare a treat for her! How about…

“Same no sashimi!”

(Japanese sliced raw shark meat)

“Noo! Lucifer, don’t make me cut the sharks!” Vox begged.

…Heh.

Vox snapped Vaggi out of her imagination. He struggled to conjure her name from hearing it secondhand a few times.

“Err. Maggie! How about I handle the front desk. I’m a great people person.

“‘You can TRUST US with your redemption’,” he demonstrated with a smile.

Vaggi frowned and pointed to her name tag,‘Vaggi’.

Seriously? The princess wasn’t just some raunchy brat calling her girlfriend a cunt the entire time?

“I’m not letting you represent the hotel,” Vaggi said. “Barely a month ago, you ran our reputation to the ground.”

Before Vox could try convincing her, a portal from Heaven opened in the lobby. Emily, a six-winged angel though one prosthetic, flew in with an armful of gift baskets.

“I’m here! I have new gifts from Heaven to motivate sinners!”

“Emily!” Charlie was happy to see Emily. She introduced Emily to Alastor, vice versa.

“Emily, Alastor. Alastor, Emily.

“Alastor, you remember Emily. She saved you from a giant demon shark a while back.”

Lucifer took notice.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” Alastor said.

“And you already know, Vox,” Charlie continued. “He’s here to be redeemed.”

“Really?!” Emily gasped. “VOX! WHAT CAN I DO TO MOTIVATE YOU IN BECOMING A BETTER PERSON?!”

Vox paused. I completely singed one of this angel’s wings. Now she has to wear a prosthetic, and she’s asking me this?

“DO YOU LIKE ANIMALS? WE HAVE A LOT OF ANIMALS IN HEAVEN.”

“I like sharks,” Vox said. “But I’m not lacking in sharks in Hell—

“Wait…! SHOK.WAV!” Fuck. Is Val or Velvette still feeding him?!

“Who’s ‘Shockwave’?” Charlie asked.

“Oh just Vox’s pet,” Alastor said. “It could really lose some weight.”

Vox frantically shook Emily’s hand and rushed his words.

“Well if it isn’t nice getting to know an angel! But I got big beautiful sharks to feed back at home!”

With Husk and Niffty, Alastor abstained from making his chains on them apparent to Charlie. Doing so was in poor taste considering Charlie wanted a “happy hotel”. But Alastor didn’t care as much when it came to Vox.

Before Vox could leave through the door, Alastor forced him to the ground with a yank of his chain.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. You’re on my leash as a security measure,” Alastor coiled the chains with his staff.

The chain around Vox’s neck undermined the impression of voluntary redemption.

“W-what?” Emily cried. “W-what is going on?”

“Don’t worry, dear. He still has his soul. It’s not as though it’s been erased from existence,” Alastor joked. “But unfortunately, his pets are just going to have to eat each other and stew in their own excrement until they gracelessly expire.”

The thought of it stunned Vox.

Emily knew fate didn’t grant constructed demons the same clemency as human souls upon death in life or afterlife. The only thing she could do was conjure rough approximations for a redeemed demon in Heaven that grieved for his minions.

“No… that’s horrible…”

“It’s best for the hotel,” Alastor said. “You know what kind of threat that thing can pose.”

Lucifer pensively tapped his chin.

Alastor, unaware, continued.

“Put every resident at risk by letting Vox keep his pets? Or allow damned creatures to waste away on their own?

“What will it be, Charlie? Emily?”

Charlie read a genuinely despondent expression on Vox’s face.

“I-I don’t know what to do,” she said.

“That’s okay, Charlie,” Emily said, “Sharks only need to be fed once every few weeks. We have plenty of time to figure something out.”

“What a shame,” Alastor shrugged. “I lived my entire mortal life under the impression that moral guidance came from Heaven, but I suppose paradise is a place where no one has to make hard decisions.

“You two don’t really think he cares about his minions, do you? Remember how that thing was in line of sight of the cannon, and how you lost a wing, Emily?”

Baxter joined the conversation.

“If I may interject. I can enlighten you all on the matter of those sharks.”

“Inquiring minds are eager to know! Do tell!”

“Those engineered sharks are imprinted to see Vox as their father. Ever since they hatched, they have been raised and fed by him.”

Baxter has multiple non-disclosure agreements signed with Vox as a condition of the former’s previous employment, but none of what Baxter said was covered by them.

“Aw. He has a heart of compassion!” Emily cried as she imagined the demon tending to baby sharks.

She went to Vox and gave him a hug.

“Don’t worry we’ll figure something out! Your sharks are going to be okay!”

Vox ignored Emily as he realized he lost his image as the feared Media Overlord that once brought terror to Heaven.

DAMN IT, ALASTOR.