Last Updated: 2025 Dec 29

Excuses and Lies are His Specialty

[   29.498399] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0: autoconfig for ALC887-VX: line_outs=4 (0x14/0x15/0x16/0x17/0x0) type:line
[   29.498412] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:    speaker_outs=1 (0x16/0x0/0x0/0x0/0x0)
[   29.498417] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:    hp_outs=1 (0x1b/0x0/0x0/0x0/0x0)
[   29.498420] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:    mono: mono_out=0x0
[   29.498423] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:    inputs:
[   29.498427] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:      Rear Mic=0x18
[   29.498430] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:      Front Mic=0x19
[   29.498433] snd_hda_codec_voxtek hdaudioC0D0:      Line=0x1a

“Have you tried ‘plugging him in’ and ‘turning him back on’?” Baxter chuckled. “Very crass, sorry.

“That ‘panic’ message just meant he’s unconscious, very disoriented, and harbors a deeply rooted hatred for Alastor.

“And he’s back!”

“…And his screen is a lighter blue color than before?” Vaggie commented.

Vox found himself on the floor. He woke up to Charlie, Vaggie, Baxter, and Alastor sitting in a circle around him.

“The fuck is everyone surrounding me for?! I’m going back to my hotel room!”

Vox ran out.

Baxter finished explaining.

“The cyan coloration is him blushing but that guy and one sex joke? Can’t be it.”

Alastor disappeared into the shadows and cackled.

---

The fuck has gotten into me? The nerve of those fucking people!

Vox slammed the door to his hotel room. He had briskly ran, but there wasn’t any doubt his vents were still expelling more heat than usual. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Alastor got to his room before he did.

“Oh, Vincent, this hotel turned out to be the right place for you.

“I should have seen this coming when you captured me. Instead of putting me in a prison, you dragged me around with your ‘friends’. You always had a strange tendency to try and bring others into your personal life.

“Even if the Vees still accepted you, would you even be able to check-out?”

“The fuck are you talking about!” Vox grit his teeth. “You’re the one keeping me here!”

“You checked in before our deal. You get excellent service, your body back, and the entourage of the princess more than willing to offer camaraderie.” Alastor sighed, “I’ve really given you too much. I have to wonder.

“Did you really want to become the King of Hell in the first place?”

Vox’s lower eyelid twitched.

“Of course I did! That’s my ambition! My virtue! Who I am! That’s why I could become a GOD!”

“And you just had to aim for Heaven too. None of your achievements were ever enough. I must be talking to the man who lied to himself for his entire mortal life and a whole seventy years after.

“After all, who in the right mind tries to build a personal life with his business connections in Hell out of all places?”

Even Vincent Whittman knew not to do this on Earth.

“Fucking creep. Get the fuck out of my room!” Vox left.

Prove me wrong, Vox!

Farther down the hall, Charlie met up with Vox again.

“Vox! What happened back there? We were worried about you.”

Vox cleared his throat.

“I’m fine! Everything’s fine!

“How about we talk about what I accomplished today instead. We have a fantastic modern layout and a great start with a press release page and contact form.

“We should also make an FAQ. Should get that one reporter to stop asking about his wife!

“And we can go bigger! Beyond just a landing page for a hotel…”

Charlie interrupted him.

“Vox. I just want to know what’s going on. You and Alastor have been fighting since you got here. Let me know if something’s wrong!”

Just get it over with, and this bitch will finally be off my back! What the fuck does she know about Earth anyway!

---

“I had no idea Earth could be so cruel, Vox,” Charlie gave him a stronger than expected hug.

Lucifer walked down the hallway. He saw Vox and Charlie leave one of the conference rooms of the hotel used for confessions, venting, or therapy sessions. Whatever the two talked about, between them, Charlie took it to heart more.

The last thing I want to see is the scum of the Earth touching my daughter. “Charlie, dear,” Lucifer smiled. “What’s going on?”

“Vox was telling me how he couldn’t pursue true love when he was alive back in 1940,” Charlie bawled. “I’m s-so sorry!”

Uh confidentiality, princess? Vox considered bringing it up but decided against.

“Hmm. That guy. Charlie, no, don’t sympathize with him.”

“Dad! I know why you don’t like him. I just want you two to see eye to eye and finally get along.”

Lucifer laughed. “Charlie! Victor and I can always see eye to eye!”

“My name was never Victor,” Vox said.

“Ah right. Vance was it?”

*POOF!* Lucifer polymorphed Vox into Alyx Vance who was now in a state of utter shock.

“Uh. Nope. That’s a last name. Vladimir?” Lucifer tried again.

*POOF!* Vox was polymorphed into Vladimir Putin. He put his fleshy human hands to his face as his metallic talons and television head were no more.

“Uh, too Russian…. Vergil?” Lucifer tried again.

*POOF!* Vox was polymorphed into a white-haired man in a blue trenchcoat with a katana. He tried to parse the esoteric costume within the brief interval between Lucifer’s attempts.

“No. Can’t be right…. Vincent?” Lucifer tried again.

*POOF!* Vox was polymorphed into himself as a human when he was a news anchor. The human stood at the same height as Lucifer.

“Vincent! That’s right…! I was close!” Lucifer said. “Charlie, this mortal wasn’t just a murderer.

“He’s a pretty bad liar too. Whatever he told you definitely wasn’t the truth,” Lucifer wagged his finger.

Was there any point in lying in front of the king of Hell now? Vox angrily burned away the mortal visage into the demon he is now.

“YES. I COVER MY ASS. WHAT OF IT?”

“Vox. It’s alright.” Charlie said.

She began to sing.

It starts with sorry.
That’s your foot in the door
One simple sorry
spoken straight from your core.

“Princess, can we not do this in song…”

Vox noticed her singing voice started to attract an audience.

(Charlie continues anyway)
The path to forgiveness
is a twisting trail of hearts
but sorry is where it starts!

(Vox relents)
We almost died by
omnicide.
I completely lost my
fuck-ing mind.

(Vox notices Alastor)
And back at my lair,
Al sat in the cuck chair.
It was so hot
to have him stare.

“The fuck was going on…?” Husk commented.

“I’m sure it won’t happen again,” Alastor “forgave”.

(Vox, facetiously remorseful)
Should I have “shared”?

(Charlie)
Um… no comment…
to be fair.

It starts with ‘sorry’!

(Vox wants this song to end)
I’m so sorry.

(Charlie)
No more lying and say!
one sincere sorry!

(Vox tries harder)
I’m sorry!

(Charlie)
Your journey’s underway!

(Charlie and Vox)
It’ll take time to cover
the/my vast multitude of sins,
but sorry is where it begins!

“Much better than the first try,” Lucifer clapped.

“I’m fucking done for today,” Vox left. “And keep Alastor out of my room.”